Mari Musings

I recently finished What Lies Beyond the Veil by Harper L. Woods. I really enjoyed the Coven duology, and as such, I picked up her other series. While I love fantasy in general, I had some reservations about it initially. My issue is that fae worldbuilding can be tedious to read. I dislike lore info dumping in the first few chapters, and I've noticed that is a persistent issue in this new wave of gothic fae dark romantasy novels. I love Woods' writing style though, so I set my reservations aside. It took me awhile to warm up to the book as the first 50 to 100 pages are slow paced and painful. It's almost too much information about the FMC's shitty life subjected to lore appropriate misogyny and abuse. Like, I get it. She's suffering. She's really going through it. Her life sucks. As readers, we know she's going to have some sexy fairy guy come save her, and I think about half of the first act could have been cut.

I swear on my love, I enjoyed this book. It just took a while to get going. I'm also a glass-half-full kind of reader. I'm able to look past narrative and character decisions that I wouldn't have made, or that I find obnoxious and weak. Woods' prose is vivid and dramatic, drawing a picture of a viscerally beautiful and disgusting world. I loved being an outside observer of the mess that is Caelum and Estrella's relationship. I couldn't relate to Estrella. She's weak though well-rounded. I still felt the emotional impact of each chapter through her eyes. It was a healthy mix of existential horror and love (... or lust? I can't tell with her).

Now to the point of this post... Caelum is a witty, crass (anti)hero typical to the genre. Without spoilers, I could tell what his 'deal' was from the very first page he appeared. The predictable nature of the narrative enhanced my enjoyment in this case. Each new detail putting the picture of what exact kind of fucked-up this guy is. Woods' has an aptitude for writing relationships built on rotten wood. Estrella is screwed up, and she's drawn to Caelum's evil and power in service of her own weakness. What I disliked for the majority of the book is that Caelum—while clearly not who he says he is—is posed as the 'good guy.' Or at the least, better than all the other pig-headed men.

This is the part where I disagree with the narrative. Caelum is just as bad as all the other men. He makes the same vile remarks, enjoys violence, and has the emotional intelligence of a grapefruit. The difference between him and the others is that FMC is into it. The truth is simple: jealous and possessive men kill women. Period. He's just as bad as anyone else. It's easy to get twisted into the world of someone like that, especially for a weak woman like Estrella. I've been there too, which is partly why I enjoyed the story. I hope that I've grown up enough to tell someone like that to hit the road. Hopefully I'm never in the vulnerable position that Estrella is in the story again.

My favorite part of the book is the end. With as few spoilers as possible, Caelum unmasks himself as worse than Estrella could have imagined. He took advantage of her in every way possible, betraying her on every level. I hope she kills him in the next book. That's exactly how I felt with Woods' other series, but the FMC in the Coven is stronger than Estrella. For the first book before MMC's power spike, they were at about equal power levels making the dynamic somehow less toxic despite Grey being objectively more depraved than Caelum. I just love the tension of characters falling in love with people they know aren't good for them. One of these days, I want to see a femc escape, though.

Hopefully I wasn't too harsh on this book as I had a lot of fun reading it. I'm definitely going to pick up the next one to see what happens next!

Wow, it's almost Valentine's Day! Maybe it's silly, but Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. It's low pressure, red and pink, and there are hearts and chocolate everywhere. I love taking time to tell my loved ones how much they mean to me, especially Dudu. I've been sick in bed for the last week with the flu, and he took such good care of me. I'm so grateful.

Speaking of being bed-bound... it sucked so much LOL. I have a low social battery, and I have trouble keeping in touch. And, simultaneously, dialetically, I'm an extrovert. My cup is filled by being around people, and when I'm isolated, as was the case as I recovered from the flu, I feel so sad. I'm okay with being by myself and enjoy my alone time. But days of being stuck in my house by myself really gets to me. It makes me so crazy that I start missing my cubicle and the mean old ladies I work with. Thankfully, I am finally feeling well enough to rejoin society after a week in bed. I'm sure the feelings of 'please on the love of everything, let me go home' will return after a day or so hahaha.

As for Valentine's Day... Dudu and I don't have any plans which is just the way we like it. I'm going to buy him some model paint for his Warhammer figures he bought last weekend. I'm sure he will want to paint together, so let's count that as a date. Regardless, I love sitting next to him while we work on hobbies. I will be sure to share photos of the finished figures — they are pretty cool!

Here’s something I drew in about May last year. A coworker gave me a weird, square sketchbook. This drawing is a little rough, but it’s so cozy… I just used regular old Crayola colored pencils and a pen.

Feeling: A bit anxious

Watching: Grey’s Anatomy season 3

Reading: What Lies Beyond the Veil by Harper L. Woods (previously dropped)

Listening: Candlemass

Happy New Year! Is it too late for that greeting...? I took several pictures over the past few weeks for this blog, but I’m too tired to update. Funny how that works, right? My strength and fortitude have been challenged in new ways by some personal matters. I won’t quit, though … even if I’ve kissed my limit for a couple of weeks. To take my mind off the horrors, even with no energy, I have played a lot of small, non-committal games, such as Suika, Block Blast, and Life Makeover. It’s helping, and today is a good day.

I bought a new phone last week for the first time in like 8 years, so I’m excited to play with the new camera. —And it will be nice to edit the pictures without worrying that my phone will blow up, LOL. I’ve also sewn several projects this last month! I have improved my basic skills with each project, and I’m pretty happy with everything I’ve stitched together.

I never finished those weird pants for my mom. I felt demoralized after realizing that they probably will not fit her (#skill issue), so they’re sitting in my closet, staring sadly at me. I will make something more practical for my mom out of that cool alien fabric I have left over. 👽 I just need to decide what she would use. I love practical gifts like AirPods cases or book covers, but my mom is an odd woman. Maybe I should make her something as weird as the flap-quilt-pants. I don’t think I’m as creative as her when it comes to out-of-the-box ideas…

I found most of my fabric and supplies at the second-hand craft store. The alien fabric is from Michael’s, though. I miss Joann’s.

I bought new pillows for the first time ever. It’s embarrassing. TMI, but I’ve always just used my crusty, amber, well-loved twin pillows (with clean sheets, I’m not THAT nasty!), never considering buying new ones… until my mom visited and commented on it. It got into my head. I felt so r/malelivingspace. I have no decorations on my bedroom walls... I have no headboard... I started to spiral. Living with a man for the past 6 years has infected me with a virus that only new queen pillows could cure. Thankfully, the post-Christmas sales had my back. Naturally, these pillows need pillowcases. I decided to be ✨extra ✨and design my own quilted pillow pattern. I really struggled to follow a normal pattern or tutorial with my alterations, so I gave up and went rogue. It came out OK! I did not have the pillows themselves when I was sewing, so I trusted the internet and my own measurements to ensure they fit. And my math worked out perfectly! The pillowcase fits snuggly, and this pillow supports my neck better anyway. PHEW! It worked out. P.S. I have not made one for Dudu yet because he’s a princess who wants high-thread-count linen fabric. I wish I had thought of that! I want to be a princess too!👸 I put together a few small projects in just an evening, such as this robin bag for my aunt. She doesn’t like carrying a full purse when just running out of the house… and inevitably forgets her phone, ID, etc. So I made her this phone purse. It’s a bit ugly, but I learned a lot while making it.

My favorite project I’ve made so far is this little travel pouch I made for my 3DS (on the left). The other pouch is a simple book cover that I sewed together a few months ago. Basically, I hate throwing naked items in my purse, especially delicate ones like my handhelds and books. One day, I will post a ‘what’s in my bag’ page so you can see my system. Everything has a pouch.

(Not pictured) Finally, I made a couple of ‘purse pouches’ for Dudu. I hacked his PSP and loaded it with games for him as a Christmas gift. He wanted a soft cover for it so he could put it in his work bag. Ask, and he shall receive. I’m like the sewing fairy. 🧚 Mood: Sleepy

Listening to: Pantera

Watching: The Walking Dead S4

Playing: Cities Skylines (2014)

Hi, how are you? The holidays are coming up so fast, but I’m barely past Halloween emotionally. And before I know it, it will be 2026. Will I be past Thanksgiving by then? (⌒_⌒;)

Today, I learned that I can decorate my iPhone photos with my iMessage stickers natively in the Photos app. It lacks the functionality of a more robust editing app, but it does the job. It’s been fun to play with Picmix-style edits. Here is a photo diary of sorts! My coworker gave me this adorable sucker. It was heart-shaped and so sweet. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～♡ My phone is basically a ticking time bomb at this point. It’s an iPhone XR, and it’s hard to believe it’s already 7 years old. I can’t use many apps due to performance issues, so I rely on the browser. Unfortunately, most sites are so bloated that my phone crashes after a few minutes. On the bright side, this keeps me off my phone lol.

Today, I bought fabric for a sewing project. My mom asked me to sew her a pair of ‘quilted pants with side blankets.’ Basically, she wants quilted pants, complete with batting, with blanket ‘flaps’ sewn onto the side to act like a blanket. …Why not just have me sew a matching quilt? I don’t know — she is an odd woman. But I am her daughter, so I will acquiesce to her request — sans the flaps.

I haven’t sewn a pair of pants in like 15 years, and I have no idea what I’m doing lol. I’m sure my mom won’t mind if they’re a bit funny looking… she literally wanted flaps! Like a manta ray! I can’t get over it, it’s so funny.

Upon returning from the fabric store, my neighbor texted me that she was looking for her cat. He had been missing since yesterday morning. I am good friends with both my neighbor and all of her cats, and especially close with Kakashi, the kitty she was looking for. He visits me every day, but I hadn’t seen him when I got home from work. I felt a bit worried because his shy kitty brother, Puck, came by looking for Kakashi. He’s done this before, but Puck was frantic today. He was meowing at the top of his little lungs despite normally being a gentle, quiet cat. It was definitely out of the ordinary.

My boyfriend told me not to go out looking because he was worried I would disturb the neighbors and that they would call the police. That’s a bit dramatic… but I understand where he’s coming from. He is naturally the kind of person who avoids troubling others, and he urged me to stay home. Despite that, I felt an overwhelming compulsion to take my flashlight and leave, so off I went.

After only a few minutes of searching, I passed by another neighbor warming up his truck. He noticed that I was shining my flashlight into the bushes and approached me, asking if I was looking for an adorable tuxedo cat. I was immediately relieved that Kakashi was safe, and I brought the man to my other neighbor’s house, where she was reunited with delightful Kakashi. He seems to have an issue with his stomach, so I’m still worried about him. (╯︵╰,)

I try to take time to be grateful every day for the life I have, and moments like these are some of my most cherished. I feel God’s hand on my shoulder guiding me, and I feel her love. If I had left my house mere minutes later, I would have completely missed the man who had Kakashi. I’m grateful that Kakashi was found by a kind man, as the weather has been awful here.

Kindness to animals is a most virtuous trait, and I’m grateful to have friendships with my neighbors and their cats. Really, I’m friends with my neighbors because their cats introduced us. That’s an animal’s power.

Animals show the purest form of love. They know no evil or hatred. Cats love us at our ugliest, without real judgment, and they love unconditionally. It’s an innocence worth protecting and cherishing. ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ